Julie Goodyear: CBB’s scariest OAP

I’m starting to suspect Julie might be the devil incarnate, for the old dame is playing one seriously venomous game in the CBB house.

Julie, who likes to think of herself as the house’s mother hen,  is quite possibly the most intimidating seventy year old woman I’ve ever seen in my life.

While she accuses others (namely Coleen) of being fake, Julie herself has displayed a multitude of faces while in the CBB house – none of which are particularly pretty to look at.

Would you mess with this woman? (image: cdnds.net)

Her language is strong to say the least, but what I find most disturbing about Julie are her emphatic displays of false sincerity. I shudder each time she flashes that toothy, gum-chewing grin of hers while ‘bonding’ with another housemate.

Watching Julie lure individual housemates into one-on-one conversations is like watching a deadly spider weave its web. It’s fascinating. The actress certainly has a strange charisma about her, one which other housemates just can’t seem to resist.

For example, she has glamour model Danika massaging her feet, Daily Mail journo Samantha Brick calling her ‘mummy’, and the rest of the housemates kissing her proverbial bottom. Even Coleen, who clearly dislikes the ex-Corry star, can’t help but aquiesce when offered one of Julie’s ‘sympathetic’ hugs (that’s the same Julie who previously branded Coleen a “two-faced b***ard”).

Julie Goodyear and Danica foot massage

“That’s the spot” (image: cdnds.net)

Julie reminds me of that character from Lord of the Rings, Grima Wormtongue – otherwise known as the “archetypal sycophant, flatterer, liar and manipulator”. Given Julie’s barbed remarks, false declarations of love and corrupt whisperings, I think she’d be perfect for that role.

After all (and you have to give it to her), Julie is one hell of an actress. But I think a few housemates are beginning to see through her performance; Martin Kemp has picked up on her vile language, Coleen has long clocked on to her game-playing, and even Julian seems a little wary.

But who else will recognize Julie’s true colours? And more importantly, who will have the courage to stand up to her? Watch this space people!

Julie Goodyear CBB

Will Julie Goodyear make it to the CBB final? (image: holymoly.com)


Sean Bean in Jimmy McGovern’s Accused

Sean Bean has played a number of masculine, weapon-wielding roles during the course of his acting career, from Sharpe to Goldeneye’s Alec Trevelyan, to Boromir in Lord of the Rings.

But in his most recent role Bean explores his feminine side, and is armed with a new deadly device: a pair of killer heels. I am, of course, referring to his starring role in Jimmy McGovern’s critically acclaimed legal drama, Accused.

When I first heard that Bean was set to play a transvestite, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect (the idea of him in a skirt seemed somewhat farcical). But having now watched the drama, I can safely say it’s the most poignant thing I’ve seen on TV in a while.

Sean Bean Tracie Accused

Sean Bean plays the part of crossdresser Tracie in Accused

In the drama, Bean effortlessly toggles between Simon, a shy, middle-aged schoolteacher, and Tracie, his ballsy blonde alter-ego. In fact, Bean plays both sides of the character so distinctively that, at times, you almost forget who you’re meant to be empathizing with- Simon or Tracie.

Inevitably you end up pitying both; Simon while he’s teaching literature to a class of uninterested pupils, and Tracie while she’s waiting nervously for her date to arrive. And of course what further compounds this sense of pity is knowing that both Simon and Tracie are part of the same person; a lonely individual whose life is broken into two vulnerable halves.

The drama toys with the idea of identity, explores the pressure of societal expectations, and highlights the dire consequences of repression. It’s dark, and at times depressing, but there are also moments of brilliant humour – and Bean shines throughout. If you haven’t already, make sure you watch it, if only to see the full extent of Sean Bean’s acting abilities.

Sean Bean Tracie Accused

Sean Bean gives a tear-jerking performance

When Julie met Julian

It’s official, I’m hooked on Celebrity Big Brother. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I guess the first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem.

But what a lovely problem it is to have! Tuning into the show each night has become my new guilty pleasure. CBB is, once again, proving to be extremely entertaining, and some of the housemates are great fun to watch – in particular Julian Clary.

On last night’s show, Julian, who sat with feline grace on the Diary Room chair, sarcastically lamented the fact that he isn’t considered a ‘bruv’ among the younger male housemates.

Julian Clary Celebrity Big Brother

Julian Clary aka The Kindly Professor

“I had hoped to be another bruv,”Julian quipped. “But of course I’m that much older, so I don’t come into the bruv category”. He then dryly added that “The Situation”, who he has now started referring to as “The Occasional Table”, takes “a while to formulate a sentence’.

Speaking about the Jersey Shore star, Julian mused: “The Occasional Table is my name – in my head – for The Situation… I think it’s more appropriate… he’s so dense, he doesn’t understand jokes. He’s a funny man isn’t he?”

Catty? Maybe. Hilarious? Absolutely. What a refreshing change it makes to have somebody as humorous and shrewd as Julian in the house – he definitely ain’t the typical calibre of CBB housemate, that’s for sure.

Julian Clary and Julie Goodyear

Unexpected friendship: Julian Clary and Julie Goodyear

Equally rewarding to watch is Julian’s blossoming friendship with Julie, otherwise known as his newfound fag-hag. The ex-Corry star may be seventy years old, but she’s certainly still feisty (and has a mouth like a sailor).

After the series ends I think it’s only right that these two have their own chat show, where both simultaneously chain-smoke, make filthy jokes, and put the world to right. While sitting in a swan boat. The Julie and Julian Show. Has a certain ring to it, no?

Julie Goodyear and Julian Clary

Julie and Julian aboard The White Swan

More on Julie…

Having said all that, I’m not quite sure where Julie’s coming from, in particular in the context of her odd (and seemingly false) relationship with Jasmine.

Julie was happy enough to tell Jasmine that she ‘loves’ her, ‘adores’ her, and even offered to ‘adopt her’  for the duration of their time in the house.

But once Jasmine disappeared out of sight, Julie freely branded the volatile glamour model a ‘looney’. Methinks there’s a lot more to Julie than meets the eye, and that we can expect much more drama from this old gal yet…

Julie Goodyear Celebrity Big Brother

Any BETS on Julie to win? (image: radiotimes.com)

I heart Tom Daley

For an eighteen year old, Tom Daley has achieved a tremendous amount – both in athletic and academic terms. Not only did he bag a bronze medal at London 2012, but he also scored straight As in his A-levels. Brains AND brawn? Somebody won the genetic lottery!

Tom Daley 2012 Olympics

Tom Daley (image: ibtimes.co.uk)

Yet Tom, who appeared on Jonathan Ross last night, displayed the type of modesty that we’re no longer accustomed to. Nowadays our television screens are awash with a sea of arrogant reality TV stars, all of which take pride in being famous for achieving absolutely nothing.

It was humbling to watch Tom, and also Ussain Bolt – two legends who have charisma and talent in abundance – talk about their achievements. It’s undeniable that Ussain has a certain degree of arrogance about him, but unlike with most celebs, it’s justified. And more importantly, it’s good natured, too.

I feel the Olympics has set a new gold standard in terms of fame. After watching so many hard-working, intelligent, yet humble individuals achieve their life goals, it’s hard to revert back to watching the a-typical celeb revel in their undeserved star status.

Snooki goes for boozy gold

Of course some celebrities, namely talented music stars such as Adele, deserve the fame and adoration they get. But others, such as those who feature on programmes like TOWIE, Made in Chelsea, and Jersey / Geordie Shore, now pale in comparison to the Olympians, who I believe to be the true icons of our time.

I hope the Olympics instigates a new wave of celebrity, one which wipes out the emaciated, fame-hungry, moral-free opportunists that have been bombarding our screens for the last decade. Because if young people should aspire to anyone, it’s not the Kardashians, it’s the athletes who competed at London 2012.

And if there’s any teenager that young Brits should aspire to, it’s Tom Daley.

Tom Daley: real talent (image: theartsdesk.com)

Celebrity Big Brother is back… again.

Celebrity Big Brother has returned to our screens, and the house – a gaudy residence for celebrity washouts – is occupied once again.

This series is no different to any other in terms of its clientele. The cesspit – sorry, the house – boasts a wealth of Page 3 girls, ex- soap stars, and various other non-entities that nobody really recognizes.

There were a few surprises in the line-up this year though, such as Julian Clary (surely he wouldn’t stoop so low?) and Ashley McKenzie (he’s an Olympian, which means he has talent – an unusual quality for any Big Brother contestant).

samantha brick Celebrity big brother 2012

Samantha Brick: too beautiful for telly? (image: Channel 5)

As for Samantha Brick, I wasn’t surprised to see her enter the house – but I was intrigued. I eagerly tuned into the show to see how she’d interact with other people, and to find out whether she’d try to redeem herself for her ridiculous articles or, alternatively, get into brutal cat fights with her model housemates.

Sadly, so far she’s just been a bit of a bore. In fact, every housemate has displayed the usual tedious behaviour of their predecessors. As is the norm with each series, contestants either gather like crows in the smoking area, bitch behind each others’ backs, flirt outrageously, make false friendships, or work out in the garden. Yawn.

Don’t you know who I am? Err, nope.

The Page 3 brigade are up to their usual tricks too, and are parading around the place with their myriad plastic parts. The site of fake boobs, hair extensions and collagen lips feels like a crass attack on my eyes, to the point where every time I watch the programme I actually feel nauseous.

Having said all that, I must keep watching, if only to moan about it right here on Tellyscope. After all, the last series with Denise turned out to be dynamite telly, and I can’t miss a repeat of that, can I? Who knows, Big Hev might get it on with Martin Kemp, and Samantha Brick may have an epiphany and realise she’s an idiot.