Summer’s out and September’s here, which can mean only one thing – it’s back to school!
Okay, I admit it’s been a few years since I actually sat in a classoom. But even though I left school ages ago, every September it’s as if my innate childhood clock still goes off, reminding me of the days when I’d start preparing for a new school year.
Flashbacks occur of being dragged to Clarks by my mother to buy a pair of ‘sensible’ aka orthopedic-looking shoes. Memories flood back of me whinging at my dad to buy me a ridiculous stationery set and a fluffy pink pencil-case from WHSmiths.
Yes, we all remember getting ready to go back to school. But just imagine if, instead of returning to your boring old secondary school, you were given the chance to go to ANY fictional school you liked? Oh, the choice is far too great!
But where would you go? Would you head off to Malory Towers for midnight feasts by the rock-hewn pool and a spot of cook’s homemade lemonade with your pals Darrel and Alicia? Hmm, a bit too lame perhaps.
What about Hogwarts? Now that’d be good, magic tricks and all that. Though Voldey-voldey-mort would probs put a dampener on things. Yeah, actually, sod Hogwarts. I reckon hanging out with the twinnies at Sweet Valley High would be much better instead. California sunshine everyday? Yes, please.
In fact, any fictional American school would do me just fine. Bayside High School, for example. How delightful it would be to hang with Zack (swoon), Slater (buff), and, err, Screech. And just think of all the beauty tips you’d get from Kelly, Lisa and Jesse! VOLUME HAIR ALERT!
Or there’s William McKinley High School. You’d get to join Glee club, plus there’s always one scary teacher wherever you go, so it may as well be the hilariously articulate Sue Sylvester.
There’s also Capeside High School from Dawson’s Creek, Roosevelt High from Sister Sister, or Bronson Alcott High School from Clueless. Oh and how could I forget The Harbor School? Ya know, where Seth, Marissa and the rest of the cool OC kids went? Now that would be UH-mazing.
And of course there are the Australian options too. Erinsborough High from Neighbours would be sweet, but I don’t think any fictional school in Australia could beat Hartley High (of Heartbreak High fame). You’d get to see Drazic fanny about on his rollerblades all day, which would be great, because he was fit. As was his eyebrow ring. Weird, but true. Unsurprisingly the British choices are beyond lame. Grange Hill, Hollyoaks comp and Walford High? Err, no thanks.
But gawd, there are so many dang cool fictional TV schools I wish I could have gone to! So tell me, which ones would you pick?
(note: This is an adaptation of an article I wrote for more! magazine’s website. Click here to see the original.)